When my family planned a special Hawaiian cruise to celebrate my aunt’s retirement, I was stunned to learn that I had been left out. The reason? They assumed I would stay behind to babysit their children while they enjoyed the trip. No one had asked me, no one had even mentioned it — I only found out when I casually brought up buying a gift for my aunt. Instead of an invitation, I was given an expectation I never agreed to.
Hurt but unwilling to accept being sidelined, I made other plans. Together with my partner and son, I arranged our own vacation. On the day my relatives arrived at my house expecting me to take in their kids, they were shocked to discover I was already gone. While they boarded their cruise, I was enjoying a trip of my own, free from obligations I hadn’t signed up for.
When I returned, my relatives were upset and accused me of ruining their plans. But I reminded them that they never included me in the first place and had taken for granted that I would babysit. Their frustration, while loud, didn’t erase the truth: I was never asked, only assumed. Respect works both ways, and I refused to let their lack of communication dictate my life.
In the end, I found a way to make my point clear. I bought each family member a small souvenir, but on the back of the postcards, I wrote down local babysitter numbers. It was a lighthearted way of saying that I’m not their built-in childcare provider. The lesson was simple: if you value someone as family, you don’t exclude them until you need something — you include them from the start.